[Azul's tone, for the first time between the two of them, is angry.]
That is not for you to decide!
What if Jamil had died many times before? Would you say the same thing? Because I can assure you regardless, it was anything but trivial!
Maybe it's not worth commenting to you, but for us mere mortals, death holds a far greater weight. That fear of permanence and loss doesn't go away simply just because we know they'll come back.
Especially if we witness it firsthand.
[A frustrated noise.]
Great Seven, Xie Lian. Just be thankful I wasn't there to see it, or else I would've punched you for such thoughtlessness.
[Xie Lian is calm, but then, there are very few people who've seen him respond in any way other than gentle calm.]
That's putting together to separate matters, even if they're intertwined enough that they can almost be one.
It would be for Jamil to speak on his experience of death, no matter how many times it happened. At the same time, however he feels, it wouldn't change your experience of loss and pain.
I've made my apologies to those who saw me die, and I regret what they went through. But it's not something that caused me pain, separate from concern, and here and now I'm returned and in good health.
[So, not something he thinks would concern anyone else.]
I'm not looking for validation. My point is, by acting... or being so disconnected from your own death, you also alienate the people who care about you.
[Xie Lian studies him, this is a genuinely alien idea, but he doesn't believe in just dismissing such things. Well, not when it matters to someone.]
For that reason, I'm not disconnected to dying in the moment. If there are people there who would be effected. But once it's in the past... It's like shattering the bones in your legs. Once it's healed, what use is it to anyone except as an explanation to why you couldn't show up to the marathon?
Otherwise, it's just lingering on past pain, when the present is much more pleasant.
Mm. [It really depends on how they died, and who he's talking to, but, on the whole, it's generally not the first phrase he'd use.]
I'll remember that, thank you. [Jamil's death was, no doubt, very hard on him. Luckily, Xie Lian can generally keep his injuries better hidden, on the Barge.
He shakes his head.] It sounds like your time on the Brig had a rather big shadow, but I hope you were able to keep well, for the most part.
It was a rather difficult situation for all of us, I imagine. [His voice drops a bit as he says:] Jamil and I were fortunate enough to have two people who immediately made it a priority to protect us.
[The morose tone is heavy with the weight of loss. He gives a sigh.]
Upon return, I hit my limit and Overblotted. To put it simply, I lost control and went berserk with rage and grief.
Yeah, I haven't had a chance to talk to everybody, but I haven't heard from anyone who had an easy time.
I'm sorry for your loss. [It's good to hear that there were people looking out for them, but it does mean that the return to the Barge meant leaving people behind.]
[He sighs, shaking his head again in sympathy.] That can be the trouble with, ah, magic. Losing control can be difficult enough, without it being compounded in such a way. I hope you're feeling a little better.
That doesn't surprise me. It was an absolute shipwreck from beginning to end.
Mmn... [The word loss stings. He takes a deep breath.] We will see them again. I fully intend to free them of that wretched prison.
I am. [He's still very much obviously exhausted, but even this is an improvement on how he was.]
[There's a hesitance, and then...]
My time on the Brigantine... has given me a new perspective to look at things. And... at people.
So, I suppose what I want to say is... [Hesitance... Awkwardly:] Thank you for looking out for me. I'm... not sure why you might have chosen myself in particular [Even if there were others, there were a considerable amount of people here— it only stands to reason Xie Lian couldn't connect with them all] but it's... nice to have people who care enough to check up on me.
[He nods.] I don't doubt that when you set your mind on something, you can achieve a lot.
[The Brigantine clearly had had an effect, he wouldn't have expected to hear Azul say something like this. He's touched, and doesn't make any effort to try to hide it. After all, both the person and the words mean something to him.] Over the time I've known you, I've gotten the chance to know someone who's thoughtful, hard working and ready to press limits in the search of something greater. So, I could reasonably say that I'm just lucky that I have the chance to meet people I have plenty of reasons to care about.
[His smile is a little sheepish for a moment.] Ah, well, I'm often reminded that other people can't read your mind. So it can be important to tell them what you think.
[And you never know when you might no longer have the chance.
He considers the question for a moment, it's easier to pull up answers now than when he first arrived on the Barge, at least.]
I like calligraphy, and painting. I've been practicing music again, too, which is nice. Sword fighting. Oh, Zhao Yunlan taught me how to play tennis.
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Re: Private
That is not for you to decide!
What if Jamil had died many times before? Would you say the same thing? Because I can assure you regardless, it was anything but trivial!
Maybe it's not worth commenting to you, but for us mere mortals, death holds a far greater weight. That fear of permanence and loss doesn't go away simply just because we know they'll come back.
Especially if we witness it firsthand.
[A frustrated noise.]
Great Seven, Xie Lian. Just be thankful I wasn't there to see it, or else I would've punched you for such thoughtlessness.
Re: Private
That's putting together to separate matters, even if they're intertwined enough that they can almost be one.
It would be for Jamil to speak on his experience of death, no matter how many times it happened. At the same time, however he feels, it wouldn't change your experience of loss and pain.
I've made my apologies to those who saw me die, and I regret what they went through. But it's not something that caused me pain, separate from concern, and here and now I'm returned and in good health.
[So, not something he thinks would concern anyone else.]
Re: Private
I'm not looking for validation. My point is, by acting... or being so disconnected from your own death, you also alienate the people who care about you.
Re: Private
For that reason, I'm not disconnected to dying in the moment. If there are people there who would be effected. But once it's in the past... It's like shattering the bones in your legs. Once it's healed, what use is it to anyone except as an explanation to why you couldn't show up to the marathon?
Otherwise, it's just lingering on past pain, when the present is much more pleasant.
Re: Private
I'm not saying you need to dwell on it... But you should give such an event the weight it deserves.
I should hardly think you would refer to attending someone's funeral as an 'unfortunate incident.' Attach that same weight to your death.
Doing so is far more respectful to the people who care for your well-being.
Re: Private
I'll remember that, thank you. [Jamil's death was, no doubt, very hard on him. Luckily, Xie Lian can generally keep his injuries better hidden, on the Barge.
He shakes his head.] It sounds like your time on the Brig had a rather big shadow, but I hope you were able to keep well, for the most part.
Re: Private
It was a rather difficult situation for all of us, I imagine. [His voice drops a bit as he says:] Jamil and I were fortunate enough to have two people who immediately made it a priority to protect us.
[The morose tone is heavy with the weight of loss. He gives a sigh.]
Upon return, I hit my limit and Overblotted. To put it simply, I lost control and went berserk with rage and grief.
Re: Private
I'm sorry for your loss. [It's good to hear that there were people looking out for them, but it does mean that the return to the Barge meant leaving people behind.]
[He sighs, shaking his head again in sympathy.] That can be the trouble with, ah, magic. Losing control can be difficult enough, without it being compounded in such a way. I hope you're feeling a little better.
Re: Private
Mmn... [The word loss stings. He takes a deep breath.] We will see them again. I fully intend to free them of that wretched prison.
I am. [He's still very much obviously exhausted, but even this is an improvement on how he was.]
[There's a hesitance, and then...]
My time on the Brigantine... has given me a new perspective to look at things. And... at people.
So, I suppose what I want to say is... [Hesitance... Awkwardly:] Thank you for looking out for me. I'm... not sure why you might have chosen myself in particular [Even if there were others, there were a considerable amount of people here— it only stands to reason Xie Lian couldn't connect with them all] but it's... nice to have people who care enough to check up on me.
Re: Private
[He nods.] I don't doubt that when you set your mind on something, you can achieve a lot.
[The Brigantine clearly had had an effect, he wouldn't have expected to hear Azul say something like this. He's touched, and doesn't make any effort to try to hide it. After all, both the person and the words mean something to him.] Over the time I've known you, I've gotten the chance to know someone who's thoughtful, hard working and ready to press limits in the search of something greater. So, I could reasonably say that I'm just lucky that I have the chance to meet people I have plenty of reasons to care about.
Re: Private
That's a very you thing to say.
[Xie Lian's goodness still proves to be A Lot at times.]
But speaking of... For all we've interacted, I don't feel like I actually know much about you.
What pastimes do you enjoy?
Re: Private
[And you never know when you might no longer have the chance.
He considers the question for a moment, it's easier to pull up answers now than when he first arrived on the Barge, at least.]
I like calligraphy, and painting. I've been practicing music again, too, which is nice. Sword fighting. Oh, Zhao Yunlan taught me how to play tennis.
Re: Private
All the more reason to rescue them.
His expression brightens a bit.]
Oh... a man of the fine arts. What do you play?
Re: Private
A few things, I can play the dizi and the pipa.
Re: Private
I'm not familiar. Perhaps you could give me a demonstration sometime.
Re: Private
If everything returns, I'll show you.
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Hmm. Have you tried anything else out in the interim?
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Other instruments or other pastimes?
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Other instruments.
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